sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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