and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
