I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
