look no pants
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
