Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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