I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
