it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
