I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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