apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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