He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
