Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just google imaged poop.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
