i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
