Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
