We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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