How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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