end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
