I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
