hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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