you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
