On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
