You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
