he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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