I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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