But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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