You can't motorboat a personality
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
