my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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