If i come over, it means nothing
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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