Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
