have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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