New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
