I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
