end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
did i just pee glitter
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
