Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
