I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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