and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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