you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
