the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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