when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
