I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
