May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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