Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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