Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
