I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
