I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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