who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
