my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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