If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
