No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
