I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
