I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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