If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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