In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
