seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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