someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
