well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
